The end of an eventful summer is at my finger tips. I’ve not always been the one for reflection, if anything I’ve always ran from it because it meant potential seeing something I didn’t like then being compelled to change that about myself.
(To clarify, it was the work that goes into change I run away from, not the change lol.)
So I haven’t really had the motivation to write for the while, to be honest I had been feeling quite inept. I decided to stop documenting my therapy sessions as the next few sessions got deeper and I’d always leave in a trance like state, unable to document or even reign in my floating thought. Then I came to the end of my therapy sessions, I was attending anti-police violence talks/#blm marches, meeting new church family thus finding my place within them, I was on twitter a lot (I mention this because being on twitter signifies that you are constantly reading the thoughts and opinions of other people = high potentiality of toxicity lol) #blurgh. But the important aspect that all these activity weighted in on was that I was/am going through a phase of trying to find my own understanding and personal convictions on a lot things that concerned my personal walk in life. This process has been really important to me, yet left me feeling doubtful at times, because naturally whenever you’re trying to find yourself in a certain sense, finding ‘you’ can mean deviating from the norm, the popular consensus or even everything you have ever known.
Growing up in the Christian circle of life, it’s a norm to accept a lot of traditional views, traditions and opinions that exists in Christianity without personally challenging them. And this was a habit that I allowed to penetrate other areas of my life, I take on popular views without challenging or weighting to in accordance to my personal experiences and morals, I mean if the majority agreed with it then there must surely be some truth to it, right? Well, no. This is how a lot of behaviours and ideologies are ‘validated’ by the bible and are sinful whilst still looking like good doctrine. So this summer consisted of asking myself some important questions, for example, something really important to me is social justice, thus I had to ask myself how much did I believed in social justice, where do I stand in terms of oppressive behaviours towards the LGBTQ community, or Muslims and other marginalised groups who many Christians are quite about. Will I be partial in my belief of justice or advocate for all?
I’ve also been thinking a lot about the pressures that I allow into my mind and the standards that I, consequentially, conform to. And one of my followers on Twitter said something that made me go ‘AH HA’.
I love the different paths of everyone on the panel, there is no single “right” way to do this. We have to make our own way.
It made me think about Christianity, and the ‘necessity of collective interpretation’ or ‘controlled interpretation’ culture (lol I’m coining new phrases). I’ve always felt that there was pressure to interpret scripture in certain ways. I was always afraid of wrongly interpreting scripture, if my interpretation varied from the majority then it must be wrong but different understanding of the bible doesn’t mean they contradict His nature but that our experiences of Him differ. We forget that God made us different beings, gave us different mentalities, personas and different life experiences and life paths. So why is something that seems like a natural occurrence so condemned? To see things in a different light from another person doesn’t mean one of the two are wrong, but who knows, pray I figure this out on this journey.
En fin, this has definitely been a summer of learning and opening my mind. I realised that there was and is a lot of problematic ideologies things that I have to unlearn and reeducate myself in so many areas.
Hasta la proxima entrada..